Pinstripes and Hiking Boots.

I had my first day at my new job today. Normally this wouldn't be much of a big deal, but it also happened to coincide with the first real snow of the winter. We got about 5 inches last night and when I got up this morning the street hadn't been cleaned at all. (For my friends in Madison and Tahoe and other snowy areas, please allow me to explain: DC is not in any way equipped to deal with snow. There was much speculation that the government would shut down due to this storm. I know that 5 inches doesn't really constitute more than a dusting, but here in DC it means that people can't drive or leave their homes.)

The previous administration might have shut down for something like this, but our new President is from Chicago and isn't scared by a little bit of snow. So I put on my new suit and an old pair of hiking boots and headed down the street just like L. Paul Bremer. Well, maybe not anything like him at all.

Landed.

I’ve been awake for about two days straight at this point. The McRoyale combo meal that I ate from a McDonalds in the middle of the desert at 2am was surprisingly good. I think the Fanta that came with it really helped.

Much to my surprise the McRoyale even stayed down while we made our ‘combat dive’ into the airport. I’m not sure if I’m getting used to all of this craziness or if we just had a smoother ride this time.

Mr. Magoo had trouble climbing up the loading ramp of the cargo plane and then promptly fell asleep on my shoulder after squeezing onto the bench next to me. I thought by now he would have grown on me a bit, but I’ll be more than happy to deliver him to his site later this afternoon. I no longer wish to be responsible for a man who almost walked into the spinning rotors of a plane.

On the Way.

My choice was between three episodes of Hannah Montana or The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Each was on an endless loop for 12 hours. I decided to sleep instead and when I woke up it was early evening and the sun was setting into the haze over the Persian Gulf. The water was dotted with dozens of oil tankers waiting to fill up at the pumping facilities scattered along the shore. Each facility was easy to spot by the fire plume burning the excess natural gas up into the sky.
After landing I walked downstairs to passport control and stood in the line for ‘Other Nationality.’ Next to me a line of women draped in black waited for their identification check in a private room by a female inspection agent. It’s hard to verify someone’s identity when you can’t see their face.

I’m travelling with a guy who can only be described as a shorter, fatter, balder version of Mr. Magoo. When I see him in line behind me, I notice that he’s managed to get some sort of stains on the front of his shirt during the flight. Once we collect his bags he immediately shuffles off towards the KFC counter, leaving his luggage unattended in the middle of the busy airport terminal. “Magoo!” I shout, “You’re bags!” He turns and looks sheepishly back at me. “Sorry Adam, I forgot I had them.”

We make it through customs and on to the hotel. We’ll stay here for a few hours and then head on to our next transit point further out in the desert.

Overseen Overseas.

I spent a few weeks in Iraq a little while ago and I'm still sort of processing how I feel about the visit and the things that I saw while there. It was a good trip and I'm happy to be back. There are a lot of people there from all over the world doing all kinds of different work for just as many reasons. I'd like to go back see how things progress over the next few years.

I don't really have anything else clever or sarcastic to say about it at this point.

I'm not from around here.

Um, could someone from the South please explain to me what Tub Trim is and why you would want to pay $11.75 for it?

Is this perhaps the scariest place in the world?

Distracted.

My boss's office always smells like cookies, which is great because I like cookies but it's also awful because all I can think about when I'm in there is how much I want a cookie.

The Very First Thing.

Everyone likes to complain about their job. Even people with great jobs like to complain. No big deal. But I find it hard to complain about a job where every day when I walk into my office I am greeted with this.

Who could be unhappy after a face full of Beibei? Certainly not I.

And as an added bonus, I also get to have nightmares about Beibei trying to eat me while I sleep. The Chinese are really on to something here.

Applied.

At work today I got an email inquiring about the application for a job we posted. He wanted to know if he should address the skill areas in which he has no experience.
Here is the letter I wanted to write but did not.


Dear Sir,

By all means, please do not let your complete lack of knowledge, skills or ability prevent you from answering a section of the application. I would suggest making up a skill that you do not currently possess.

If you are uncomfortable with this, perhaps you should address a skill which does not even exist. I think I may speak on behalf of the interview panel when I say that we would love to hire someone who posses unique abilities such as invisibility, human flight or is able to repeat entire episodes of Knight Rider word for word.

Please be sure to attach a list of references who may or may not be actual people living or dead. We strongly encourage you to include references from unicorns or talking cars.

Living the Dream.

My cousin was explaining to me the intricacies of running a commercial cleaning business in New York City, "What kind of people work as janitors? I know who my employees are, I have no pretenses. A few of my guys work hard and give me no trouble, but the rest are nothing but a headache. On any given night one out of four simply doesn't show up. Every other month I have to deal with the police because something disappears from a job site.
And when it comes time to hand out paychecks, you should hear the complaints. It's not my fault taxes get taken out! $10 an hour isn't really $10 an hour after taxes; I know this but what am I suppose to do?"