Connecting

My newest favorite hobby is to read the ‘missed connections’ page on Craig’s List. It’s an unlimited treasure trove of one paragraph (and at times one sentence) stories that are always hilarious and very often incredibly creepy. The admirer/stalker and sweet/pathetic lines are crossed so often it’s hard to tell apart the wistful Romeos from the John Wayne Gacys. Oh, but that’s the fun of the internet isn’t it?

I love the one-liners that read like demented poetry:
Your wisdom teeth
I've talked to you so many times, most recently about your wisdom teeth, and I don't even know your name.

But I also love the ones that say it (shout it) all in the title:
Asian Woman with Boxes!!
I saw you on the Orange Line carrying what looked like flat boxes??.... Write ME.

The creepy amount of detail in this one is great, but the best part comes near the end when he describes himself. I’d make a beeline for the door too if some stranger wearing a yellowish floral print shirt was staring at me this intensely on the Metro.
Farragut West - Orange line to Vienna - 4:00ish
You seemed slightly perturbed by something, although I would be the first to admit that it could well have been the natural sense of ennui engendered by the tedium of mass transit.
You: Standing mid-car near the center doors (got off at Ballston?); holding your metro EZ pass in one hand; adamantly determined not to take one of several seats available; blueish top, gray slacks, blue shoulder bag with brown straps; long brown hair done up on top of your head, small spherical silver earrings, gentle brown determined eyes, soft complexion. You made a bee line for the exit when you got off at your stop. A young Latino girl and her parents (?) occupied the handicapped seats between us. Across from you, near the far doors, there was a young guy with a doo-rag, construction garb and a white safety helmet by his feet.
Me: Yellowish floral print shirt, jeans, blue eyes, shortish brown hair, serious regard, couldn't take my eyes off of you.
Probably no chance in hell, but we made solid eye contact several times, and I did not notice a ring.

And then, there are the ones that are just a little bit sad. You were eating at the Cheesecake Factory alone? You felt a connection with the busboy? I’m sorry dear; he was paying attention to you and thoughtfully refilling your water because that’s his job. And a quick tip; when describing someone who works in a restaurant, saying that they were wearing a white shirt and black pants and are Latino doesn’t really narrow it down too much. I’m just saying…
Eating at Cheesecake Factory
I was eating alone at Cheesecake Factory in Friendship Heights. You were a busboy or waiter (couldn't tell) and you kept eying me. You were wearing a white shirt with black pants, and you looked Spanish or Latino. I was wearing an orange T-Shirt and glasses, along with jeans, and reading a book.
I felt this connection between us...